False Starts and Setbacks

I haven’t put up any new posts for a long, long time because I have been going through a depression. I am struggling financially, trying to get a second job and going through hell with that. The parameters under which I can have a second job are very difficult at that.

Because I have two little kids and no family or friends that can act like a back up and pick the kids up if one of them is sick of falls or gets a tooth knocked out, I have to working from home to be able to take care of them.

While I have worked extensively in the magazine industry, as a journalist and as a managing editor, an assignment editor and handled a lot of social media on behalf of the paper, because I don’t have an actual degree in journalism, I am excluded from the vast majority of jobs in my field. Believe me when I say I know my field. I spent years throwing down and working twice as hard because I felt so self conscious for not having had the chance to learn in a classroom what others had.

I couldn’t get into journalism school for one very simple reason. I suffer from C-PTSD with the C standing for complex or chronic post traumatic stress syndrome disorder. Meaning, if I am not drugged to fuck, I unfortunately can’t focus. And, it totally sucks. Back during my college and university days I was misdiagnosed over and over and over again and it took a big meltdown between both kids for me to end up going back to a psychiatrist and actually for the first time understand why I felt the way I did and that I hardly knew myself because so little of it had been allowed to flourish.

So, along with trying to find another part time job, preferably in writing, I am trying to find myself, forgive myself, and trying to get some modeling work on the side because I have to be able to get the kids from the bus stops and day care, morning and evening.

In these shots I am wearing the very beautiful and incredibly comfortable Florence dress by Vintage Chick for Top Vintage  and my very prized Maralyn shoes By Miss Royal Vintage.

These photos were taken by Sajad Zand, a photography student at Dawson College. I am thinking of perusing some modeling work