So, I’m Feeling Exposed/No Star

Going from freelance job to freelance job online has left me in a state of barely scraping by with two children toddling at my feet. I can review anything, write anything, conjure up just about anything but getting adequate remuneration for those jobs on the other hand is a whole other feat. I worked in print for 18 years so I got used to selling a story at at least $100.00 for a day’s work. Online they try and pay you $40.00 for three days work.

So, fearing the worst, I decided to start calling the government again and inquiring about getting a grant for a book as that has always been the end game. I have spent 18 years telling everyone else’s story but never once have I ever shared my own. So, whether I am ready to or not, because my life has been so fucking crazy and by crazy I mean mental health issues meets, exploitative job, meets exploitative men meets I teach myself how to become a journalist and then develop an 18 year career on that, that is the story I am going to tell.

At the same time I find myself in a dead-spin of anxiety swirling down a dark well of depression. I don’t know if its the time of year or if it’s that the employment market that has become so bleak for writers but its just brutal. I have websites that want to pay me $60.00 for 3000 word assignments and 20 rights free photos that meet their specifications.

It’s not just humiliating, its outright theft. I can be perky and review products and do my job because I have done my job for almost 20 years but I feel like I’ve been harpooned Suddenly when I get employers that are so blatantly trying to steal because they know they can.

Being a writer is a bitch these days. Every time I go onto Instagram or Facebook I am pummeled by these ridiculous ads all about how writers are in demand and that there is a fortune to be made. All I get is scammed and I am so fucking tired of it.

So I keep going but, I so am not the star I set out to be.



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