So I put this blog down for over a month because I am still having a hard time editing it and working my way through word press.
To promote this new endeavor in my life, last week I went and did a photo shoot with the unbelievably amazing Marisa Parisella and Samsara Brown, who is like the queen of pinup hair and makeup here.
Because I have PTSD, I go for regular treatment and booked both of those things on the same day. OMG! Terrible mistake!
I go through major bouts of anxiety and depression because I have had some seriously motherfucking awful experiences in my life and sometimes one of those memories, much like a bubble, will rise to the surface and burst, leaving me depressed, distraught and much like an all out hot mess for days. I still function and take care of my kids and clean the house and pay the bills but this is what I go through sometimes.
I freaked out mid-hair and makeup and had a terrible anxiety attack. Thankfully the girls I was working with were kind, gave me a pug to hold and cuddle while I rode out the worst part of it and were ultra-supportive when we went to shoot. I say these things and I am telling this story with a point: that even though I suffer from C-PTSD, it does not hinder my ability to live my life or interfere with my responsibilities, including work. While I have been through some really nasty shit, I frequently liken myself to one of those horrible inflatable clowns from the 70s and 80s with the sand in the bottom. For every time I am kicked I will rebound and for every time I am hurt I will turn the other cheek. I am a survivor, I am a mother, I am a pinup, I am a writer, I am an editor, I am a cat lover, I am a girly girl and I am human